On December 12, 1994, my preaching professor, Dr. Jimmie Nelson, asked us to submit a statement of personal pilgrimage. Looking back, a lot of crap was being deposited in my life that was ultimately spiritually and professionally formative. Most importantly, my rejection of Baptist Fundamentalism was solidifying.

MY PERSONAL PILGRIMAGE

I have no idea of where to start or to stop any discussion of where I am on my spiritual pilgrimage. Right now, I am simply worn out. I am tired and have lost any desire to do anything but rest. This past semester has had its challenges and rewards; but now, I am ready for a spiritual Sabbath.

Ever since the firing of Russell Dilday in March of this year, I have struggled to keep my vision focused and my steps from stumbling. I have nothing but good will towards Ken Hemphill; however, the shock of Dilday's dismissal only recently left me. I needed time to grieve, but none was allowed. I struggled to find meaning in such a loss, but none was found.

From the last half of the Spring semester to the first half of the Fall semester, one Biblical theme permeated my life. "Meaningless! Meaningless! says the Teacher. Everything is meaningless!" - Ecclesiastes 12:8. My life was spiraling down into a blur, while all the time I hid the frustration and pretended it was not there. I could not live for long like that; I knew it, my wife knew it, and God knew it. Jesus had come to give me Eternal Life and Abundant Life. There was no way that God was going to allow me to forfeit such a grace.

This brings me to a second theme which could be used to describe my spiritual pilgrimage. "Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs." - Jonah 2:8. In all of the trials and troubles, I had turned away from God and began to focus only on my pain and emptiness. I was clinging to the worthless idol of self-pity trying to find comfort while the whole time I was forfeiting the loving comfort of God's grace that could have been mine.

I cannot say that I was dramatically brought forth from this darkness, nor can I espouse any voice from heaven. However, I became aware that over a period of time God was warming and softening my granite and icy heart. Perhaps I can use the words of Wesley and simply say that, "my heart was strangely warmed." My pilgrimage had taken me to the valley of the shadow of death, but it was my Heavenly Father who walked me through.

I confess that I have a long way to go, but I know that God is capable of changing a life such as mine. Jesus' promise rings evermore clearly, "on that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him." - John 14:20-21.

Right now I am still somewhat confused, but I do have a theme by which I can live . . . it is LOVE. Love is not easy, but it is required! Love often time hurts, but it is its own reward. Love is the ultimate paradox. It makes no sense for God to love me. It makes no sense for God to send His Son. It makes no sense for God to use His Son's death to rescue me. But, praise be to God for His indescribable gift; indeed, God is Love!

In the foolishness that I call my wisdom, I trust that God will be able to use me. In the weakness that I call my strength, I have faith that God will work in me. I have found my rest, my spiritual Sabbath. It is Jesus Christ my Lord. I find peace and rest knowing that, "for since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified; a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those who God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength . . . . But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of the world and the despised things -- and the things that are not -- to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God -- that is, our righteousness, holiness, and redemption." - First Corinthians 1:21-25; 27-30. -- Αμην!